


And What Difference Does It Make

by PrinceOfOneSingleDomain



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Italy, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:29:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23633872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceOfOneSingleDomain/pseuds/PrinceOfOneSingleDomain
Summary: Audra and Rebecca spend some time in Italy together.
Relationships: Rebecca Bunch/Audra Levine, Rebecca Bunch/Nathaniel Plimpton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	And What Difference Does It Make

It was the lonely summer, the summer when everyone, almost despite themselves, had so much to do they had entirely disappeared behind the walls of their marriages, their jobs or vocations. It was lonely, and West Covina seemingly felt weird. Yes, Rebecca could still talk to all of them, but there was such rapid growth among them, families being formed, kids being born or adopted, a success or other around every corner while she kept slaving away at the musical. Then, Audra called. Wanna get away for a while? Yeah, where? 

They were sleeping in one bed, which at first had seemed like a mistake on the part of the hotel, one that could have easily been repaired if their flight hadn’t been delayed three hours and they weren’t tired as all hell that first night. But there was no second key, while the bed still looked just as inviting. They fell, collapsed into the bed and slept in their clothes, and once morning came through the trees, faint rays of light tracing their outlines against the wall, Rebecca had forgotten they had booked separate rooms, two keys, at all. The receptionist still handed her the second key as soon as they came down for breakfast, and she held it in her hand, turning it over, room 202 next to Audra’s 203, while soft Italian folk music played to the sound of crunchy cereal in the hall. They kept their clothes in 202, and they changed in their respective rooms, whether into the evening outfits they wore to the restaurants or the bar with the good music, or into their swimming suits, but that was it. They walked to the small dark-sanded beach together, down steps and by white walls and small artisan shops with art shops adjacent, watching the Mediterranean caress the coast. Once there, they watched the Italian men in hilariously small bathing suits, all olive and skin and olive skin and Oliver and Elio, Call Me By Your Name. These two – think they’re a couple? No, but they are, look, over there.

Uuuh God aren’t they just hot?

They are, though I feel bad for saying that, now that I’m married and Nathaniel is hot ay ef.

Yeah, I feel you. He is.

There was beer on the beach, a small stand where you could buy it cool and cleansing, San Miguel and Heineken and all kinds of small craft beer. Audra didn’t drink it at first but then she found the enjoyment in it, sipping it, laughing when she spilled a little, though her beer was red and tasted of cherry. They drank wine, a lot of it. Brought bottles to the beach. Always said fuck the glasses after the first one and drank from the bottle until they stumbled against each other while walking. They ignored texts. When evening came, Rebecca would watch Audra walk through the sun into the water, her body covered by a bathing suit that left her legs and arms bare and hugged her body like oil. Rebecca was always afraid the water would be too cold, at least that’s what she said, but the truth was a bit different – whenever Audra came out, the wetness dripped from her hair down her body, and she smelled of salt lying down next to Rebecca again, face down, arms stretched out, telling her how wonderful the water was. Only after seeing that would Rebecca go into the water to swim, the coast stretching before her with a sea of blue to one side and one of umbrellas and tourists to the other.

Audra had the scar from her caesarean at the bottom of her trim stomach, Rebecca noticed once, when she tanned topless. It was faded somewhat, but it was there, a surefire sign that Audra was ahead of her in some major way, and that she had the battle scars to prove it. Audra tried her best to hide it, either by wearing the bathing suit that covered her up, or tying a large flowing skirt above her waist or otherwise shying away from showing her belly, but there it was, where three children had come out of. It felt like an eternity ago, even though it had barely been more than three years – and here she was, when they were of a tender age and needed their mother, here, with Rebecca. They had their au pairs, Rebecca knew. But she still couldn’t help imagine Audra returning home after this, dropping her keys somewhere by the door, leaving her suitcase packed while being hugged by her husband if he was home, or walking into the room to look at her children, who were little bundles of joy and curiosity and anxiety, pure anxiety.

When they walked to the bar, they sometimes held hands, like girl friends do, like girlfriends do. Rebecca grabbed it first, as a bit of a joke on their past rivalry – it had been so long since they had any conversation resembling something other than boasting or attempts to make up past mistakes, like that time in Vegas. This felt fine, like returning to the people they were in high school but smarter, better, somehow less dramatic. You really grow out of sweating the small stuff, Rebecca thought. If you put in the work. So the hand was a joke at first, a comment, or rather a comma or a period on everything that had ever happened between them. They’d wanted the same lives, then opposites, then something resembling the same again, and now they had their own lives, very separate from the other. But Audra had kept her hand, almost absentmindedly. Looked at sunglasses in one of the corner shops. Looked at her phone to tell where the closest bar with good reviews was. Hand still held. Still there. Still connected. When she looked back at Rebecca, she was slightly flushed, and Rebecca could tell from her steps that she was trembling just a little, slightly unsure whether anything was happening and what it was. Rebecca let go of her hand then. So, where are we going?

We’re going to – Rodrigo’s. Feel like that’s not genuine Italian. It’s Italian for Americans who think they know what Italian is. That’s us.

You betcha. Closest I’ve been to an actual Italian is Italian-American, and that didn’t last long nor prove to be all that bueno. Good pasta, though. And… and a good heart. You know.

Greg?

Yeah.

You really did have to make the choice of a lifetime. I would’ve just picked all three if I were you.

Yeah.

Rebecca had some fantasies about that, but she kept them to herself most of the time. Paula knew. Paula still knew everything, and it was the best thing.

Audra took her hand, but only to drag her into the bar. It looked a bit like Home Base, with a central bar, chairs and tables around it, but it smelled different, and quiet Italian pop music from the 80s played on the stereo. An older man was showing a younger barkeeper the ropes. They both got the “Cocktail of the Week”, a mix of Rum with cavalcade of things, among them “bitter”, perhaps the most interesting name ever devised for something with a taste.

Hey, Audra. How about we call sugar – sweet? Gonna add some sweet to my tea. Or – wait for it – we call meat… Wait. What does meat taste like if it doesn’t taste like meat?

Like nothing. If something doesn’t taste like itself – like _shit_.

Woah! You know bad words? Ma’am, I believe we’re dealing with someone else over here, where’d you leave Audra? Back in the Städtl?

I might have left something in the Städtl.

Your law degree?

Nah, I travel with that always. Multiple copies. And didn’t you go to…

Harvard, yeah, I’m really surprised you knew. I usually _never_ mention that. So what did you leave in the Städl, then? Wait, it’s not your _wedding ring_ , is it?

Rebecca checked her fingers. It was still there, firm, as if it had never faltered. And it had. Many times.

Nah, silly. I was talking about – inhibition. Or something. I read something about that once, in the paper. Like, online. You silly goose.

See, insults like that are more in line with how I perceive you to act in public, Levine.

Welp, Bunch, I’ll have you know I have a penchant for dirty talk. Just not in the court room. There I – I don’t dirty talk there. Like, at all. Why not, though?

Rebecca looked down to see Audra’s fresh-as-fuck cocktail already half-drunk.

Geeze, leave some for the rest of us.

Oh, it’s just so tasty, and I’m thirsty, so why wouldn’t I? And – don’t give me a lecture please. We’re here on vacation. We’re relaxing, enjoying ourselves, letting our men do some work without us buzzing around their heads – buzz buzz – and, uh, having a good time. Right.

I feel like you might have repeated yourself there. What kind of time are we having?

You’re making fun of me. I no like. I no like when Bunch make fun of me. A good time is what we’re having.

Are you okay?

Rebecca, please. If I wanted a mother, I could’ve taken my mother. Or your mother.

The barkeeper walked up to them. Tutto va benne?

Si, Audra said, evidently somewhat proud of herself. Tutto va benne. All’s good.

Rebecca tried her cocktail. Heaven. You’d only get something like this in New York if you paid upwards of 20 dollars for it, and even then it would come with a long story about how it was born out of the dream of an immigrant child whose only desire in life it was to get people drunk in the most expensive and roundabout way.

So what’s been going on with you, by the way? How’s Nathaniel?

While talking about his various animal rescue projects, the celebrity endorsements he procured and how he found out that, if well-managed, the Plimpton fortune and all things connected to it were profitable enough to fund projects indefinitely, Rebecca wondered why Audra had invited her on the trip. Her children were still small enough they were fun to be around with, and they had barely spoken these past two years, only ever-more cordial Chanukah greeting cards and the occasional phone call.

Well, there was this one.

The phone rang in the middle of the middle of the night, startling Rebecca awake as if it were a predator falling into her home through the ceiling where it had been held in a cage by a tycoon who planned to sell it, and it was the last of its kind and all kinds of cuddly, and they would have a beautiful friendship until it tragically died to teach her a lesson about mortality and her fellow man, and anyway, the phone rang. She picked up.

“Rebecca, I can’t handle this. I’m done. I’m so done, I’m – done.”

“W-what? It’s three in the morning, who is this? Audra?”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have called. It’s like the middle of the night for you.”

Nathaniel wakes up next to her. Are you okay?, he mouths. She nods. He gets up to make himself breakfast – it’s only an hour before the usual time he gets up, anyway. He’s a machine. How does he even work? Because he was always workin’ something. It, mostly.

“What’s wrong, hey, where are you?”, Rebecca said into the phone.

“I’m – I’m walking. I don’t know where I am. Two blocks from home. I can’t go home.”

“What’s going on? Work with me here. I’m getting the vaguest episode of American Housewives over here.”

“He doesn’t love me. He’s sleeping with a woman from the gym. It’s been – it’s been going on. For weeks. I think.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I even know her name. I stalked her Instagram. She’s all lovey-dovey and I – I just can’t be home right now. I feel like this isn’t my life. If I could, I’d give it to her. I don’t want this, Rebecca. Can I stay with you? No, that’s stupid, we’re not in college, that’s stupid.”

“Sure! Of course! But maybe you want me to come to you?”

“You would?”

Nathaniel looks at her from the next room, drying his hair. His sculpted upper body reflects the light of a dim lamp through the water drops on it. God, she’d lucked out a bit, hadn’t she?

“Nate, would it be okay if I went to New York for like a week or so?”

“Can I come along?”

“Sure, but I’ll have to do my own thing there sometimes.”

“That’s good. Been meaning to talk with the Animal Rescue Association there.”

Rebecca made sure Audra heard the entire conversation so she knew they could be there in an instant, and she could hear the woman crying on the other line.

“You don’t have to do that, but – thank you. I think I’ll – I think I’ll go for now.

“Audra?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you gonna be there tomorrow? Are you gonna – do you, like, what do you want to do now?”

“As in what? What could I possibly do?”

Don’t give her any ideas. Don’t. Just keep your mouth shut for once. Your influence has done nothing but shake the foundations of this woman’s life, no matter how much she might have needed it. Still, Rebecca can’t help the flashbacks.

Audra says it for her.

“Like you with the pills?”

“Y-yeah.”

“No. No, this isn’t that. I’m gonna hang up now, I see a cab coming, but Rebecca – thank you. I needed this. I’ll – can I call you tomorrow? Please?”

“Anytime, sistah.”

“Hah.”

She hung up the phone.

“So, Rebecca”, Nathaniel said, already getting into his uniform which made him look like the cute animal helper in a children’s TV-show, “do I have to ask?”

“It’s Audra Levine, my childhood nemesis-slash-friend-slash-whatever – her husband’s cheating on her. She thinks. I mean, she’s sure, but I’m not sure she’s as sure as she surely thinks she is, though she assured me.”

“That’s a record for earliest tongue-twister of the day”, Nathaniel said, pointing at the clock.

“Yeah – I’m not sure she’ll be okay, though. I hope she will, anyway.”

Rebecca’s phone lit up. A text. _I’m driving home. We have to sort things out._

“Alright, that’s something. She’s driving home.”

“She’s got three kids, right?”

“Yeah. That is a whole ball house of responsibility right there. Not sure how she does it. I mean, she’s got like three au pairs, but still. I guess. Is that something you can say ‘but still’ to?”

“They’re still her kids and will want a relationship with her once she grows up, like I did with my parents. So yeah, that’s gonna be a good ‘but still’. Now move over and keep your butt still.”

The spank echoed through the flat, as did Rebecca’s laughter and slightly pained yelp.

“There’s more where that came from, but later.”

Now here they were, a good year later. Rebecca wanted to ask so many things – how the marriage was going. How the children were growing up. But on the other hand, those things weren’t as interesting as the way somebody spoke about them, and you can’t coax sincerity out of people. She’d learnt that the hard away often enough.

They had gone dancing, or what people their age called dancing when there were so many young people on the floor it felt almost uncomfortable. Rebecca caught Audra looking at the other women with a strange, forlorn sense of longing – as if they were somehow ahead of her. But then they were back to dancing and having fun and downing drinks, starting with a flurry of beautifully made cocktails, ending with Tequila. Rebecca felt young, or rather like she was keeping something scary and dangerous at bay. Nathaniel’s text from this morning was still unread, unopened, though she had seen what was in it – “Are you ready to discuss what I talked about? Will you be when you get back?”

Kids. He wanted children. Or one, but it was always one at first, wasn’t it?

Why did she think of it as “him” wanting children? It should be a unified decision, something they shared, a decision made by a couple, as if they were merely two halves of a brain coming together. But there it was – he wanted children. She wasn’t sure if she was ready. Musical theatre was taking off slowly, amateur productions of her first play were picking up and the second one was almost done, only two or three songs were still missing to round out the package. Those were her children. How would she handle – everything?

Audra had puked when they got back, but just a little, just the perfect, polite amount. She had brushed her teeth and changed into her pyjamas, cute white pyjamas made out of something entirely too soft to be real, and had lied down on the bed. Rebecca stood in the doorway, unsure. Audra was lying on her side. Maybe she should let it be for now, sleep in her own room with the made bed that didn’t smell like anything, think, answer Nathaniel before she went to sleep. With a voice message or a call. They hadn’t left it well. They hadn’t left it at all, except for, perhaps, leaving it open, too open for comfort.

Come to me, Audra said, I wanna cuzzle.

Is that Jewish cuddling?, Rebecca asked without moving.

I don’t care, Audra said, just you c’mere.

There was a shift in the air. Rebecca had known Audra – and vice versa, to be anal about it – since they were children. They had fought in the ways people fight who don’t use physical violence, had continually chased each other until Rebecca had taken the lead. Then the world broke, Rebecca moved to West Covina, and Audra was left to pick up her seconds in New York until her own little breakdown in Vegas. Now, they were here. It seemed so simple – the begrudging respect, the slowly budding friendship leading to two adult women sharing a bed. But it was anything but.

Rebecca had felt something while holding her hand. Whether it came from her or Audra didn’t matter. It made her heart flutter for a moment, made her do a double take, made her look at the hairs standing up on Audra’s arm.

She changed into her pyjamas in the other room, breathing heavily and loudly without noticing it. When she came back, Audra hadn’t moved. Rebecca turned off the light.

Don’t you want to get under the blanket?, she asked Audra.

Help me.

Rebecca kept an arm on Audra, who made a droopy sound. She moved the blanket from under her, barely keeping Audra from tumbling off the bed, and covered both of them with it.

Something was different, different from the other nights they’d shared the bed, when they’d turned away from each other, when Rebecca had spouted pop culture nonsense in response to funny images her friends had sent her, references that Audra got half the time, at most. Before Rebecca could fully realise the fact she was cuddling up to Audra, feeling her back and her hips moving against her body, Audra had moved Rebecca’s hand to her waist. Left it there, as if it had always been there. The fabric was soft and warm, but there was skin underneath, beguilingly close and naked.

They had touched this way when they had been younger, in ways that just happened, sometimes in planned ways. It had started with kisses to try what it was like, knowing their parents would flip out if they found out or just call it a game, which it was, or at least that’s what they wanted to think. When they grew up, on a very hot day, they sat in each other’s rooms in their underwear until the tension became too much to bear, until looking at each other’s sweating skin became hotter than the sun could shine and they covered up again, forgetting, trying not to think about it the next day. Remembering their touching legs when they sat at dinner, or their rivalry in P.E., bodies moving quickly, Rebecca already becoming fuller than Audra ever was and admiring, through locked teeth, her physical prowess. The way the shorts in summer hugged her curves, the way her muscles tensed. She felt Audra’s grin towards her. Was it snide? Snarky? Or…

Now they were here. Rebecca put some pressure on her waist. Audra tensed up.

Do you want me to stop? I can stop. I can – but as soon as Rebecca moved her hand away, Audra moved it back.

No. Please. Keep it there.

Rebecca moved closer to Audra, feeling the warmth and weight of her body next to her. Her pyjamas were soft and thin. She felt Audra’s hip bones move when she brought her legs forward.

Rebecca gently caressed her thigh, moved her hand until she could feel Audra’s ribs underneath.

Did it hurt?

What?

Birth. Giving birth, I mean, I guess you don’t remember the other thing.

Yes.

Oh.

Ever-so slowly, the way mountains grew out of two tectonic plates moving against one another, Audra turned around, Rebecca’s hand still on her. It was now almost on the small of her back, the yoga-and-gym trained but still soft skin of it warm and inviting under Audra’s clothes.

Bunch?

Yes, Levine?

I’m gonna come closer.

You think this is a good idea?

Why? I’m not thinking. Don’t let me.

Okay. I won’t either.

Their noses brushed. Rebecca had barely noticed she’d closed her eyes. She opened them. Just enough light falling through the trees from the outside to make out Audra’s eyes fixating on her, like a wild cat in the night looking towards the flame from the darkness.

Kiss me.

Audra nodded and leaned in. Her lips were soft and tasted of raspberry, her lip balm, and she opened her mouth first. With trepid tongues, warm and moving and wet, they explored each other’s mouths, Rebecca’s hand tightening on her waist, Audra touching Rebecca’s shoulder, moving her closer, and soon her knee was between Rebecca’s legs, moving against her with hard pressure. They kept kissing, lips soft, smelling of the sea and a bit of alcohol, but not enough to use it as an excuse in the morning, as if they ever needed any. Their foreheads touched.

Bunch.

Levine.

The smell of her hair, the sound of wind outside, everything, the bed and the sheets, the taste of the skin of her cheeks and her chin and her lips again, the heat from between Rebecca’s legs where the knee was still moving, touching, her now moving against it. She grabbed Audra’s neck and felt her moan into her mouth. Audra started unbuttoning her shirt.

Stop. We should stop. Wait.

Audra pulled back.

What’s wrong?

I… I’m not – I didn’t mean to say it that way, I just think, wait, we should talk about this, like what is this?

Bunch. You have a way of ruining everything, don’t you?

Wha-

You couldn’t – I mean… God!

She got up, sat on the bed’s edge. Rebecca moved up immediately, an arm stretched out not doing anything.

Can you hold me?

Audra hugged herself.

Yes, of course.

Rebecca wrapped her arms around the slender woman. Audra moved hers up to Rebecca’s.

I don’t want you to think I’m just drunk, Bunch. I don’t know what I was doing, but I know I was doing it, and I think it’s okay.

Just two jewish girls having fun like at summer camp?

Yes. And no.

Just wanna see which one of us is better at having sex?

Well, that might just be part of it. But – no. I want to be here. Right here. While the rest of the world is somewhere over there. And just –

Rebecca felt something drop and kissed Audra. Somewhat slowly, tenderly, but moving away too quickly. The sound of their lips parting was so quiet it barely registered above a whisper. Audra’s eyes sparkled in the dark. The leaves outside seemed to disappear, and there was only the room.

I don’t want to talk about it right now.

Okay.

I don’t want you to think I’m stupid.

I don’t, Audra. Never have.

And that this is just to make my husband jealous. Or to get my mind off things.

Yeah.

I want you. Please.

She brought the tips of her fingers up to Rebecca’s face, traced the outlines of her eyes, her cheek, her chin. Audra’s voice was so small in the night.

I think I want you to touch me. But only if it’s okay with you.

It is.

Really?

Yes.

Are you sure? You weren’t right now.

Yeah.

Don’t scare me. I’m scared you’ll throw me out. Say I’m stupid. Say I…

No, no I won’t. I’m not keeping my mouth shut, you know me, but I won’t say that.

Audra laughed. They lied back down. They kissed, more passionately with every passing moment. Only this time, Audra pushed Rebecca onto the bed and started taking off her clothes until all that remained were the dark lines of her underwear. She didn’t wear a bra to bed, and she led Rebecca’s hands to her breasts. Rebecca squeezed. She squeezed harder, until she heard Audra breathe in rapidly.

Here.

She grabbed her by the neck and pulled her into a kiss, her soft breasts moving against Rebecca’s body. Audra quickly slid her own hands under Rebecca’s shirt and grabbed her skin, moved up and down her sides until she rose a little and touched Rebecca’s breasts, pulling down the shirt enough to kiss them, let her tongue wander – bite.

Ah!

Think you’re the only one who can, Bunch?

Yes.

Rebecca moved both her arms to Audra’s neck, waiting there for a second until she felt Audra nod. Slightly choking her, she switched positions with her, moving up while pulling and then pushing Audra down. Kneeling over her almost naked body, Audra’s legs moving in anticipation, her stomach and breasts below her, arms on her neck, she felt a weird sort of power, the kind of power she usually loved giving Nathaniel. So this is what it felt like, she thought – and banished him from her mind. For a while. For this.

She moved one of her hands from Audra’s neck so she could kiss it.

Touch me.

Her hips came up to Rebecca’s legs and rubbed.

Please.

Do you need it?

I do.

Say it, then.

I need it.

What?

I need you to touch me.

Rebecca moved her hands between Audra’s legs. Her underwear was already wet all through when she moved it to the side and pressed gently against her.

Harder.

Not yet. Work for it.

Audra moved her lips up to Rebecca’s neck and kissed, caressed, tickled. Ohh.

Rebecca moved her fingers harder, not entering Audra, instead finding the point where she perked up immediately and circled around her clit. She brought her fingers up, licked them, and brought them down upon Audra again. Audra hugged her closer. Her naked skin, sweating in the damp Italian night, smelled like saltwater, perfume and _Audra._

Don’t stop.

Alright.

Nothing – cleverer to say?

Rebecca laughed. Audra couldn’t even do this without challenging her.

What?

I could do this.

Rebecca stopped.

You – you fuck!

Oh dear, what did I do to deserve that?

You – you know what you did. You curly-haired little...

Their lips touched while Audra was speaking.

Oh, is that so?

She started moving again, and the genuine moan out of Audra’s mouth was all she needed to know she’d made the right choice.

Fuck. Fuck.

Yeah.

Rebecca moved closer, until their faces were cheek to cheek and Rebecca was lying on the side with Audra on her back.

Please keep going.

Hadn’t thought of stopping, but now that you say it…

Don’t. Make. Fun. Of. Me.

There was something genuine there, beyond the interplay of their words that turned and egged on. Rebecca could feel the warmth coming from Audra’s body now, and brought her other arm under her, hugged her shoulder and pressed her closer. The skin of her neck was so tender and soft and fragile. She sunk her teeth into it as well as she could without drawing blood. Audra sighed deeply.

I’m –

Her body moved up, her hips gyrating into nothing, her muscles tensed beautifully on her stomach, and her breathing grew incredibly sharp and laboured, as if every breath was the work of a lifetime. Then she came down, and breathed as if after a sprint.

God. Damn.

Rebecca’s mind, still racing with what had just happened, was already forming her next witty remark, the words slowly coming into place, but Audra covered her eyes with one hand. Her body suddenly started moving again, her muscles tensing and relaxing quickly, but she didn’t sound like she was enjoying herself anymore. She was sobbing.

Audra, what’s – what’s wrong?

Nothing, I’m fine. I’m perfect.

You’ve looked better, to be honest.

What are y-you talking about? I’m fucking incredible.

Audra couldn’t imagine as single phrase worse to open her persona floodgates, but there it was. A second after she’d said it, any measure of personal defence broke down and she turned into what her husband had been seeing too much of lately, so much he’d told her to go away for a while: an uncontrollably sobbing mess, ugly crying.

Is it my fault? It’s my fault, isn’t it.

No, Bunch, no.

I’ll go.

Don’t go!

She hated herself for sounding like a child crying out for mommy, but damn it, if she didn’t stand up for her feelings at some point right now, when would she ever start? What awaited her was the life of her mother, quietly surrendering to her career and family without a trace of herself remaining, swallowed whole by her life.

Then you gotta tell me what’s wrong.

Hold me.

O-okay. Alright. Come here, hey, lie down.

Rebecca covered them with a blanket. Audra pressed into the curves and warmth of her body, breathing in her scent. She hugged Rebecca, one arm under, one arm over. The arm under would be pins and needles by morning, but she didn’t care.

Yeah?

You do good, Bunch.

Why thank you, I’m rather fond of it myself.

I’m – let me catch my breath. I’ll be ready in a minute.

A minute?

You’d take an hour with your fitness track record, Bunch, so don’t perk up.

Rebecca put her hand on Audra’s neck. It smelled of her, an intimate smell. Audra swallowed.

So this is what it’s like now, huh.

You betcha, sistah. I’m the Rabbi now.

That – ew.

Yeah.

Come on.

Yeah. As soon as I thought of it – you know, nevermind.

I will not.

So you’ll mind?

No, I will – never mind.

Did you just say that you will never mind or was that “nevermind” as in “nevermind?”

They laughed again, somehow liberated.

So.

Audra put her hand on top of Rebecca’s leg. Rebecca moved it back.

Sooo, yeah, I’m good.

You sure?

Yeah.

I feel like I owe you one.

Oh, you definitely do. Just keep me from making rabbi jokes next time.

I’ll try, but there’s no stopping you, you know.

I know that, trust me.

They woke up cuddling, Audra still almost naked. They dressed, ate breakfast, and Rebecca responded to Nathaniel – she was ready to talk, at least she weirdly felt more ready now, even though she felt like the opposite should’ve been the case. But there seemed to be one more piece to her puzzle. She didn't know what she'd tell him, where she leaned, but she couldn't keep running away from it anymore.

The beach was sunny, with just enough clouds to cool down in their shade when the sun became too much.

Think we can stay like this?

What? Until dinner at least, yeah, but I’m gonna get hangry.

I mean everything.

What?

Rebecca sat up.

What do you mean?

You know what I mean, Bunch.

Audra sat up as well, but she kept looking towards the sea, watching Rebecca’s movements from the corner of her eye.

It’s good here. It feels good.

But we can’t.

Why?

Because – because I love Nathaniel, I have to get back to him.

Yeah. Alright. I see that.

Are – are you crying?

No I’m not. It’s allergies. Obviously.

Audra…

Shut up.

Rebecca had never seen Audra so hurt, never.

Audra, hey, talk to me here.

I just – I knew that was probably a one-time thing. I didn’t get my hopes up. I just thought maybe you’d at least be like, oh, what a thought! Maybe I could! And after some time of deliberation or – or – or…

Take a second.

I’ll take whatever. God.

You need a tissue, or…

I need this. I – I haven’t felt this good since I got married.

Audra, I’m so sorry. Have you maybe thought of…

With three kids? Three kids, Rebecca? You don’t know what that is. People would think me a witch.

Who cares? Who cares what people think?

Aw, come on. I’m not you. I can’t be.

What you did last night was pretty brave. I’ve never seen anyone that vulnerable.

Thank you. But now I’m hurt, and it’s not even your fault. It just is.

Hey.

Rebecca put her hand on top of Audra’s.

What’s this for?

We still have three days.

Three days. Why didn’t we – why not sooner?

Because we’re stupid. And JAPs. We don’t do, we get stuff handed to us and complain.

Audra smiled.

Yeah, we still have plenty of reclaiming to do with that term.

Do you wanna go swimming?

Rebecca basically dragged Audra into the water. They walked in slowly until she pushed Audra into it, the woman screaming and shivering at the cold before dragging Rebecca in as well. The sea ahead seemed infinite.

Audra turned to Rebecca when they were just a bit further out. Rebecca stared at her. She looked perfect, even with her eyes red from crying and the sea water, her hair sticky, no make-up, nothing.

Audra.

Yeah?

Rebecca kissed her.

Bunch, please.

We have three days here. I don’t want to lose a moment. And – we can come back here.

Yeah?

We can come back here.

For how long? Just – be there where we are, where I am, and then come back here and be – this?

Forever.

Fuck you.

Yeah. So, are you in?

I’m…

Her voice broke.

From above, it looked like two dark spots in the darkening evening sea. From the beach, they were two spots on the horizon. Moving closer and sticking together, becoming one and the same. At least for a while.

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't see a lot for this pairing, but I saw the "should we make out" moment and thought, well, this is free real estate. 
> 
> Hit me with that critique y'all. Only way to get better.


End file.
